Tribute to My Mother

As I am writing this, my mother is in the final stage of her life.  I don’t know how long we have left with her, but all the signs are indicating that it will sooner rather than later.  Dealing with death and dying is always hard.  We have to say goodbye to someone we love.  I have had to say goodbye to my father, to close friends, and relatives of friends, but there is something different about having to say goodbye to your mother.  For me, this was the person who got me up each morning, made meals for me, washed my clothes, and bandaged every wound.  This was the person who sat with me when I was sick and taught me how to cook, clean, wash clothes, fold clothes and make my bed.

My mother was a selfless person who never ate meals until the family was full, who sacrificed buying things for herself so that we could have new clothes, and always put the needs of the family before her own.  When my dad was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in his 40’s, my mother remained by his side and prepared every meal for him. She never traveled or went anywhere for herself because she was the care provider.

As we got older and had families of our own, mom always loved having us over to her home to prepare our favorite meal and make our favorite treats.  When my dad died over 11 years ago, mom never remarried. She filled her life with church and friends.  During this time, I did not visit as often as I should have, but she appreciated any time she could spend with her family.

As she aged, her short-term memory started to go and she would tell us the same stories over and over again, but she never lost the Bible verses she had memorized and she never lost her smile or sense of humor.  Even now as she is in a care facility and is a shadow of her former self, she can still remember those verses and quote them to you, she can still sing the old Hymns, she still smiles, never complains, and is always able to tell me that she does not like my beard.

This season of life is so hard, as I am sure anyone who has gone through this before me knows.  You hate to see a loved one become a shell of who they were.  You hate to see them lose their independence, their ability to do basic things, and need help for everything.  You hate to see that blank stare from their eyes as they lose their memory and ability to think and process.  You see their memories floating away and you wonder why God keeps them on this earth.  Why do they have to suffer the effects of aging?  I know that my mom loves God and is excited to join my dad and her parents in heaven, but yet her days have not ended.  Each moment and day goes by so painstakingly slow.  You watch the body and mind go, but she is still with us.  It is not that I want her to go, I will miss her incredibly, but I hate to see her slip away in this way.

I know that she will be gone soon and I will only have memories.  I will no longer be able to hug her, kiss her and see her smile, but I do not want to prolong her life for my selfish needs.  Being her power of attorney and decision maker for medical decisions, it is so hard to write on paperwork DNR (do not resuscitate).  It is hard making end of life decisions and not always knowing what might be extending her life but also may be extending her misery.

During this hard time, I am reminded of a book that we read to our kids when they were young, “Love you Forever”.  It is a story of a mom who raised her kids and rocked them to sleep and then in the end her son rocked her in her dying years.

The book had this song throughout:

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

As long as I’m living

My baby you’ll be

And the last page, as the son rocked his mother, the song ended with

I’ll love you forever,

I’ll like you for always,

As long as I’m living

My mommy you’ll be

That is what I find myself doing each time I visit my mom as I say goodbye, wondering if it will be for the last time on this earth.

My challenge to anyone who has read this far into this blog, tell your mother today how much you love her and how special she is to you!  You never know when it will be your time to say goodbye to your mom and don’t wait until she is too old to remember it!

I love you mom!!